Welp...herpes.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
