oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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