I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
