Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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