Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
