Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
