I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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