I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
