I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
