what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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