I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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