I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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