you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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