i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize