how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
