I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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