The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
