She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
