What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
