no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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