Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
