I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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