I like my sex mixed with concussions.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
