Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
