Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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