I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
