so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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