i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
