am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
