The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
