I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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