He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
