just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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