I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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