You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
