Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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