It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
