pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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