Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
