By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
