So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There r osticjed everywhere
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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