I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
