Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
