imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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