North Korea, Best Korea!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
