Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
