Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Your cock deserves a montage
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
