If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
