he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
