That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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