My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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