I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
