life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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