It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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