you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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