Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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