I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
