On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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