why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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