my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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