I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
