I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
