The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
