the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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