Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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