Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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