your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
