One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
