How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
