I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
