ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
