i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
