i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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