I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
