Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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