So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
