i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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