Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
