apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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