is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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