everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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