i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
