Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
