She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
