Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
