we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
