i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
