Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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