The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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