The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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