i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
