Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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