I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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