You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
