Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
