I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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