I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
