I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we made out on top of his cat.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
