I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
